the malevolent crisis of hope

in this world of highly peculiar behaviors and the search for our individuality, I have come to a conclusion that everything in the end, for most people, is a search for their own self. might be a cliche , but aren't we all striving every single day to distinguish ourself as somebody who is better than someone else. be it a wife, a teacher , a writer , an actor. be it anyone, we are all trying to find our own little path to our own little special world of success and applause. a world that is filled with our praises and how unique we are. one of a kind. the gem that could never be and now suddenly is. the belief that we are the star that lights the night sky with miracles. 

when I think some more about it, I realize that wanting that , is not wrong. it's just what we humans feel in order to survive. to survive in our own world of pain , struggle and countless disappointments. each night we all sleep with a miracle in our heart, hoping in hopes that maybe tomorrow it may become real. according to the absolute realist and in my own words, some very strange pessimists, there is no reason to fantasize about things. it only brings you down. you should only think about things that are absolutely possible not strange miracles but what is wrong with fantasies. what is wrong with hoping that maybe something magical might happen in my life. isn't it that little flicker of hope in our hearts that keeps us going, that little light of secret joy that makes the everyday mundane bearable. 

if we stick to the realistic "mafia" , than most of the things people do , like trying for a new job, getting into a university , applying just even for a loan should become very hard as there is no certain probability that it will happen. because according to statistics, most people these days do not get jobs, do not get into universities even with perfect grades , and don't get loans when they need it the most. so basically realistically , we shouldn't do most of the things we do in our everyday life. and that makes the logic of the realist, pretty sad to me. it does work for them. maybe. I don't know. but in my own world of truths, I have realized that in order to be happy, we need a little faith. a little hope. and sometimes , maybe sometimes we do get our miracles. not always, but what's the charm in always. isn't life about waiting for that perfect moment when something good happened and it was your own little miracle